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出格
译制
这炒面也太好吃了吧! Ah! Now, that was some fantastic chow mein.
不准说我的发音种族歧视 And before you say that sounded racist,
不信你问服务员看他们怎么发音的 you can ask the waiter how they say it.
老公 这里是熊猫快餐 服务员都是波特兰市本地人 It's Panda Express, honey. The waiter's from Portland.
谁把我的手机铃声换成 Alright, who the hell changed my ringtone
《出租汽车》的主题曲了? to the theme from "Taxi"?
这首歌现在在抖车上好火的 It's a new thing on Taxi Tok.
抖车是抖音上一群小朋友搞出来的非主流 That's a subculture on TikTok of kids
他们觉得《出租汽车》主题曲特别帅 who decided the theme from "Taxi" slaps.
现在你来把这首歌放给十个人听 我来录像 Now you have to play the "Taxi" theme for ten people while I film it.
老子才不要 太智障了! I don't have to do shit. That's dumb.
拍这个是为了让大家重视白血病欸 It raises awareness for leukemia.
明天去动物园大家是不是很激动呀? So...who else is excited for the zoo tomorrow?
水上公园之外我最爱动物园了 Zoos are my favorite kind of non-water park.
可惜每次去这两个地方我都窜稀 It's just a shame that they both give you diarrhea.
你在动物园吃动物饲料 You only get diarrhea at the zoo if you eat the food
不窜稀就怪了 you're supposed to feed to the animals.
你已经连吃两次了 Which you've done, twice.
谁叫他们把饲料放在糖果售卖机里卖啊 They put it in gumball machines.
要想签语饼里的愿望成真 You know, fortune cookies only come true
得先把里面外面的饼干吃掉哦 if you eat the cookie first.
看看我的 “有志者事竟成”? 太没意思了吧 Alright. "Hard work often pays off"? Lame.
“一家人相处的时光是最美好的” "Family time is time well spent."
这句话不仅空洞而且大错特错 Okay, that's not only empty. It's been disproven.
我的上面写的是“一家人相处的时光-” Okay, mine says, "Family time is time well..."
我去 怎么还有重复的? Oh, man, I got the same one?
爸 你签语饼里面的纸条说的什么? What's your stupid 21-century watered-down fortune cookie say, Dad?
“你会和你妈做爱” "You will have sex with your mother."
瑞克与莫蒂
翻译：出格
签语饼上的预言不一定是准的对吧? Fortune cookies aren't legitimate, right?
杰瑞 你居然想问我觉得 Jerry, are you seriously asking
你到底会不会和你妈做爱? if I think you're gonna have sex with your mom?
不是 我是想问你介不介意 No, I-I wanted to ask if it's okay with you
我把刚吃的饼干吐出来 if I make myself throw up the cookie.
你想吐就吐吧 但是别吐太大声 If it makes you feel better and you can do it quietly, yes,
这个建议不要告诉夏茉 but don't hand that advice down to Summer.
我吐不出来! Ugh! Can't do it.
睡衣盖瑞把我搞得没办法催吐了 Sleepy Gary ruined my gag reflex,
睡衣盖瑞是第二季外星寄生虫造出来的
太操蛋了 因为睡衣盖瑞甚至不是真的 which is frustrating because Sleepy Gary wasn't real.
签语饼也不是真的 回床睡觉吧 杰瑞 Neither are fortune cookies. Go to sleep, Jerry.
我知道签语饼不是真的 I know they're not real.
但是为什么我的那张这么具体啊 It's just -- why is it so specific?
上面的三个数字 And why are three of the numbers
和我妈的生日也很接近 a few numbers off from my Mom's birthday?!
瑞克 咱们调查一下可以不? Can we investigate this, Rick?
杰瑞 你当我们演《X档案》呢 It's not an X-File, Jerry,
你不过是碰巧抽到最后一张有意思的签罢了 You got the world's last interesting fortune.
爸 你能给抖音上的朋友介绍下你妈吗? Dad, can you explain to TikTok what's going on with your mom?
夏茉!别拍了! Summer, no social videoing!
要是被你奶奶看到怎么办啊? What if Mi-Maw sees it?
不要让她知道这种事有发生的概率! We can't let her know this is a thing that might happen!
呃 “有发生的概率”? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh, "might"?
她又来电了 She's calling again.
她平时不怎么给我打电话的 She doesn't usually call this much.
因为你以前不会不接电话 Because you don't usually ghost her
因为以前你和她做爱的概率为零啊- because you don't usually decide you're at risk of...
她会不会是想告诉我说我是领养的? What if she's calling me to tell me I'm adopted?!
如果是这样的话岂不更好? Well, yeah, then you should definitely hit that.
一点也不好笑啊! That's not funny!
杰瑞 你越慌张就越好笑 Jerry, you're making it funny by taking it seriously.
如果因为这个去不成动物园的话 And none of us will be laughing
你看我们谁还笑得出来 if you let this ruin our zoo trip.
瑞克 你能用科学把几率降到零吗? Rick, can you use science to make it impossible for me to --
这种话是在侮辱科学 Jerry, you're insulting science.
作为全宇宙最强的男人 And as the most powerful man in the universe,
我如果发明出防止随机事件发生的技术 if I create technology to prevent a random occurrence,
只会导致随机事件发生的可能性增大 I'll end up making it more possible than random.
我们什么时候出发去动物园? When do we leave for the zoo?
一个小时以后 我给你一个小时把这件事抛在脑后 One hour. You have one hour to let go of this.
这个想法已经被我抛在脑后了 I'm already done thinking about it.
看我P图 Check that out, huh?
啊啊啊啊!不要啊! Ah! Ah! No!
啊啊啊啊! Aah! Aah! Aah!
放我出去!放我出去! Let me out! Let me out!
-再给你十秒 -我也想去! -You have ten seconds. -I want to go.
你又不是不知道我最爱去动物园了 You know of my love for the zoo!
为什么你穿着莫蒂的衣服? Why are you dressed like Morty?
因为莫蒂的妈是贝丝 Because Morty's mom is Beth.
我不太想听懂 I'm not unpacking that.
我对地球上的动物园之旅的耐心 Okay, if you think I have this much patience for the zoo, on Earth
马上要快耗完了 you're sorely mistaken.
杰瑞 你不一起来的话我会伤心的 Jerry, if you don't come with us, I will be so disappointed.
你们先走 不要等杰瑞了 Okay, you guys should probably go on without Jerry.
我测了一下他的概率域参数 I just took some readings on his probability field,
这个签语饼上的预言有着某种奇怪的力量 and this fortune has some strange powers
我得调查一下 I'm gonna need to investigate.
真的吗?我去!我就知道! Really?! Oh, God, I knew it.
那行吧 保重哦 老公 Okay. Well. Be careful, honey.
给我带点斑马零食回来! Ooh! Bring me back a handful of zebra snacks?
记得和我最爱的动物白虎拍照哦! A-And please take pictures with my favorite animal, the white tiger!
因为白虎是乱伦出来的生物吗? Because they breed via incest?
真的吗?! Is that true?!
-我就知道我猜对了 -得了吧 -Ah. I knew I was right. -Not even close.
我不过是看你被逼着去动物园可怜罢了 I just didn't want to see someone get bullied into going to a zoo.
虽然你可能是我认识的人里最傻的 You may be the single dumbest human I've ever met,
但是你一样有权关心你想关心的事情 Jerry, but you still have a right to take whatever you want seriously.
谢谢了 但是如果测量枪显示 Thank you, but if that thing says
我不会和我妈做爱的话 我就去动物园 I'm not gonna do it with my mom, I can go to the zoo.
杰瑞 这把枪是用来测量概率波的畸变的 Jerry, this thing measures aberrations in probability waves.
我觉得应该用不上 因为如果我用的话- I didn't even bother to turn it on because if I did --
哈? Huh.
怎么回事啊?! What?!
没什么 别一副奇怪的眼神看着我 Nothing. Don't get weird on me.
但是呢 既然我们今天下午没事干 But, uh, since we're free for the afternoon,
咱们就做个简单的活动 Iyou mind doing a quick activity?
我们来用穷举的办法来驳倒这个预言 We're gonna disprove this with efficient brute force.
这里有两个鞋盒 These are two shoeboxes.
都是空的 但是其中一个里有你妈的名字 Both are empty, but I wrote your mother's name on the inside of one.
什么啊?我才不要! What? God, no!
我才不要把我的屌- If you think for a second I'm gonna put my—
行吧 那咱们洗洗睡吧 Good. I didn't wanna do this anyway.
好好好 Fine.
我能口述自己选择把屌放进哪个鞋盒吗? Can I just tell you which box I would put my penis in?
口述感觉更怪 但是行吧 Saying it seems worse, but okay.
那好 Alright.
我选择把屌放进右边的鞋盒里 I would put my penis in the box on the right.
行 你转过头去 Great. Uh, look in the other direction,
我把鞋盒位置调换一下 and I'm gonna switch up the boxes.
什么落后科技啊 This feels really low-tech.
因为我们在测量现实 Yeah, 'cause we're measuring reality.
我选择把屌 I would take out my penis
放进右边的鞋盒 and place it in the box on the ... right.
再来 Again.
我选择把屌- I would put my penis—
杰瑞 你不用每次都说“屌” Jerry, you don't have to say "penis" every time.
选左右就行了 Just left or right.
明明是你想出来的点子好吗 Hey, this was your idea!
我以为咱们能速战速决 I didn't think it'd go on this long.
嗯 屌… Okay, penis ...
左边! Left!
继续 Keep going.
右边 Right.
左边 Left.
右边 Right.
杰瑞 你他娘的在偷看吧? Jerry, are you f***ing peeking?
快告诉我到底发生什么了啊! Tell me what's going on!
我开始有点害怕了! You're scaring me!
我屁股里拉出气球的概率 Okay. I'm just as likely to shit a balloon
和我变成海豚的概率一样高 as I am to become a dolphin.
这些事都有概率发生? Those are things that could happen?
杰瑞 万事万物都有概率发生 Jerry, everything is as likely as anything else.
所以奇怪的是 你有概率- Which is why it's weird that you're at all likely to ...
怎么样?怎么样啊? To what? To what?
杰瑞 你妈是不是给你发了很多消息? Jerry, has your mother been leaving messages?
发了三条短信 我怕看 Three texts. I'm afraid to read them.
现在看 Read them.
她问她能不能上门做客 She's asking if she can come visit.
为什么她想来做客啊? Why would she want that?
杰瑞 我告诉你一件事 Jerry, I'm gonna tell you something
这件事我没跟别人说过 I've never told anyone.
咱们得赶紧去熊猫快餐 We need to go to Panda Express.
他们想得到我的认可的话 If these guys wanted my respect,
在店里卖酒不就好了嘛! they could've just gotten a liquor license.
所以你觉得这件事和你有关系? Now you think this has something to do with you?
杰瑞 签语饼预言背后的人有神一般的力量 Jerry, whoever's behind that fortune has, like, god powers.
所以当然和我有关系了 Of course it has something to do with me.
你以为我在这部剧里的角色定位是啥?岳父吗? What do you think I am in this story, the father-in-law?
你们想引起我的注意? You guys wanted my attention?
现在我也不知道他们想要什么 Okay, well, now I'm getting mixed signals.
你快点 接我电话啊
不要动 杰瑞 准备大开杀戒 Stay here, Jerry. Time to kick ass.
得放点背景音乐 Gonna need a soundtrack.
飞船 播放我最爱的歌单 Ship, favorites playlist, track one.
《出租汽车》主题曲Angela - Jame Bob
呃 也行吧 Alright, fine. No wrong answers.
快坦白你们的饼干哪里搞的! Tell me where you get your cookies at,
不然休想活着出去! and we can all walk out of here alive!
-操你全家 缉毒署的臭条子! -缉毒署? Fuck you, DEA piece of shit! DEA?
-什么饼干? -签语饼 Cookies? Fortune cookies.
你不是来抓我们帮派制毒贩毒的? You're not here about our gang's city-wide meth ring?
啥?有法不违枉为人 What? No. Break the laws. They shouldn't exist anyway.
哇哦 真是太不好意思了 Wow. I am embarrassed.
我也挺不好意思的 Aw, me too.
抱歉杀了你这么多人 Sorry about, uh, these dead guys.
完全可以理解 Comes with the territory.
所以签语饼是哪里搞的? So w-where do you get your cookies?
和别家一样 都是同一家厂商配送的 Same distributor as everyone else.
-他们的卡车就停在后面 -太好了 That's their truck out back. Solid.
我决定不举报你 但条件是卡车归我了 Okay, I'm gonna take the truck in exchange for not turning you in.
我去 免费的饼干有什么利可图的? Geez. How much money can there be in cookies that you get for free?
竟然还需要扫描瞳孔 And now we're being retina scanned?
噢噢噢 我知道了! Oh, oh, oh! I know!
-杰瑞 我大概知道怎么回事了 -你说 I've got a theory, Jerry. Oh, good.
这个地方是饼干怪物手下的 This place is run by Cookie Monster.
他的使命就是保护自己的饼干 He's really protective about his cookies.
拜托嘛 不觉得很好笑吗? C'mon, man. You can't crack a smile?
行吧 你还在担心和你妈做爱的事 Oh, yeah -- you're worried about doing it with your mom.
也不怪你 Okay. Fair enough.
操 到处都是监控 Fucking cameras everywhere.
杯子是监控 That cup is a camera.
树也是监控 That tree is a camera.
你能把监控全给禁用了不? Can you disable them?
要想偷偷摸摸 与其禁用300个监控 Stealth rule number one, turning off 300 cameras
不如换身衣服 draws more attention than changing outfits.
咱们得穿得像成功人士 Looks like we need to dress for success.
雷霆之眼 给我一身超正的正装! Eye of Thundera, give me suits beyond suits!
来自美国动画《霹雳猫》
杰瑞助理装 变身! Jerry, assistant clothing. Make-up!
妈的 刚才怎么回事啊? What the hell was that?
可以反复用的《美少女战士》变身素材 Reuseable Sailor Moon sequence.
如果以后还需要你变身成我助理的话 If we ever need to show you becoming my assistant again,
就拿出来再放一次 可以省好多钱呢 we can repeat it and save lots of money.
为什么一个比政府还强大的组织 Why does an operation bigger than the government
想让我-和我妈搞到一起? want me to... couple with my mother?
哇 贝索斯?比尔盖茨?各国首相? Whoa. Bezos? Bill Gates? Prime ministers?
真奇怪 演员比利·赞恩也在 Weirdly, Billy Zane is also here.
大家好 欢迎收听我的故事 我叫詹尼丝·帕德罗·春特 Hello. You're about to meet me, Jennith Padrow-Chunt.
十五年前 我住在我爸妈的车库里 15 years ago, I was living in my parents' garage,
每天用马桶吃拉面度日 但是我有了重大发现 eating ramen out of a toilet when I discovered something.
命运并不是虚构的 Fate isn't fiction.
只要你诚心祈求 就能要如愿以偿 Everything you want can be yours, if you ask for it.
祈求我就好了 Just ask me.
-你好呀 我 -你好呀 我 Hello, me. Hello, me.
大家目光转向我和我 Look at me's.
我身上穿的是处女白的盛装 Every suit I wear is virgin white.
我身下枕的是谷物做的床垫 I sleep on a bed of loose grains
每天早上 我都携着自己完美的阴道 and begin every morning by dragging my perfect vagina
走过种满芒草的原野 across Chinese silver grass.
我既坚挺 又成熟 I'm firm and ripe.
我妈的飞机刚刚着陆 My mother's plane just landed.
她刚在机场的沃夫甘·帕克披萨店前自拍了一张 She took a photo at the airport
就是那个闻着像是幼儿园的披萨店 in front of that Wolfgang Puck that smells like a kindergarten.
-大家想知道我是怎么改变自己的未来的吗? -想 Want to know the secret to how I changed my future? Yes.
只要您的投资人等级升到第七级 Well, once you're a level seven investor,
我就告诉你我的秘密 you'll learn that and more.
这里怕是没有我们想要的答案了 Yeah, we're not getting the answers we want here.
咱们继续前进 Let's go deeper.
感谢各位的慷慨解囊 And now, thanks to your generous contributions,
请品尝今年的签语饼吧 here are this year's cookies.
“你的投资将会同比增长6.8%” "You will receive a 6.8% year-on-year increase."
太好了 Very nice.
“大家都会赞赏你的才华-” "Your talents are appreciated..."
“…前提是你要先成为初级合伙人” "...when you become junior partner."
我操 我要上《与星共舞》了! Holy shit! I'm going to be on "Dancing with the Stars"!
求你了 我这就去给你们搞钱 放过我吧! Please, I can get the money. I swear!
现在说这话太迟了 I'm afraid it's too late for that.
天啊 上面写得什么? Oh, God, what does it say?
“你的阴茎会被联合国的冻酸奶机绞成碎片”? "Your penis will be mangled by a frozen-yogurt machine at the U.N."?
我知道它说的哪台冻酸奶机! I know that machine!
外人听着会觉得不可能 This would sound impossible to a layman,
但是在我听来就是必然的! but to me it rings inevitable!
我操 竟然是真的 Holy shit. This is real.
他们居然在贩卖命运 They're controlling fate for profit.
你竟然还笑得出来 I'm glad you're happy;
咱们现在把整栋楼炸掉怎么样? Now can we blow up the building or something?
杰瑞 要想夺走他们的能力 这么干可能不是上策 I don't think that's the best way to take away their power, Jerry.
最好我俩能夺走他们的能力 Let's take it in a way that ends with us having it.
什么我俩啊 明明就是你一个人 You mean you having it.
-我会和你分享的 -那你去操我妈啊! I'll share it. Then you fuck my mom.
我不是这个意思 That's not how it works
并且我已经操过你妈了 and I already have.
-你说什么?! -我去 杰瑞 别这样嘛! What?! Jesus, Jerry, come on.
真可惜 How unfortunate.
快拿出紧急签语饼预言! Use the emergency fortunes!
战斗签语饼 他们要升级了! Fighting fortunes. T-T-They're leveling up!
“你会把对手打得落花流水” "You'll have great success in a fight."
操 I'll be damned.
操!好疼啊! Fuck! This both sucks
但是也是很珍贵的打斗数据! and is really valuable data.
瑞克你搞什么啊?! Wha! Rick, what are you doing?!
用你当人盾 Using you as a human shield.
我就知道! You said it!
我就知道你在拿我当人盾! You said the thing I thought you were doing.
有两个外来入侵者 并且其中一个… We've got intruders. And one of them...
身上的预言还没有实现 has an unresolved fortune.
我们得把他妈带过来 We need that man's mother.
夫人 这世上有千千万万个妈 Lot of mothers in the world, ma'am.
但这世上只有一个妈姓- But only one of them is Mrs. --
操 居然姓史密斯 ugh, God damn it -- Smith?
美国人数最多的姓
你刚才为什么要 So are we going to ignore
用我的身体挡子弹啊? that you tried to stop bullets using my body?
你身上的预言还没实现 You have an unresolved fortune.
除非你和你妈做爱 否则你就是不死之身 Until you have sex with your mom, you're basically immortal.
你不觉得这个机制很厉害吗? Do you have any idea how amazing that is?
你根本不是在关心我 You don't even care about me.
你不过是想要签语饼的力量 You just want fortune cookie power.
杰瑞 这样吧 Okay, Jerry, how 'bout this?
到迫不得已的关头的话 If it comes down to it,
我一枪嘣了你妈怎样? I promise I'll put a bullet in her head.
-才不要!-对哦 No! Ah, you're right.
预言没说和你做爱的时候你妈是死是活对吧? The fortune didn't say she'd be alive, did it?
我可太讨厌你了! I hate you!
我看你是讨厌我拼死拼活帮你 Hate productive things.
我还讨厌在通风管道里匍匐前进呢 Hate crawling through a fucking air vent.
奇形怪状的六角头螺钉 Ah, those are those weird hex-headed screws.
你要用手指当螺丝刀- Do your screwdriver fingers --
所以这到底是怎么回事? Well, at least we have no idea what's going on.
这个怪物叫洛克里尔 That's a LOCKER-ean.
靠吃混沌为生 I-It's a species that eats chaos.
但是这一只消化不良 But it has its digestive disorder.
时空中的随机性被他的胃剥离出来后 Its stomach is stripping randomness from spacetime
会留下极为密集的能量袋 and leaving behind super-dense pockets of energy
导致熵弯曲为可定义的输出结果 that bend entropy towards definable outcomes.
和命运的运作原理是一样的 I mean, th-that's how fate works.
就像是引力场 It's a field, like gravity,
引力将质量小的物体引向质量大的物体 but instead of pulling small toward big,
这个东西是把未知引向已知 it pulls unknown toward known.
所以我们知道是怎么回事? Ah, so we do know what's going on.
对的 过去二十年内吃过签语饼的人 We know this -- everyone that's had a fortune cookie
其实都是在吃它的屎 in the last 20 years has eaten this thing's poop.
签语饼是外星人的屎? Fortune cookies are alien poop.
这些预言太那啥了吧 These fortunes are so basic.
为什么不用这种能力来改变世界呢? Why wouldn't you use this power to change the world?
你会玩得开心 大家会喜欢我 微笑吧，多么美好的一天 开心到跺脚
让任天堂造个便携VR游戏机也好啊 Or at least get Nintendo to make a portable VR headset?
这家公司的目的不是为了创造未来 Ooh, this place ain't for creatin' the future,
而是为了控制未来 but controllin' it.
我是老M哈科比 Hi, I'm Old. Old M. Hucksbee.
老M是老汉的意思 The "M" stands for "Man."
你这个配角太老套了吧 You're an arch little character.
签语饼的阴谋就是你搞的? You're the reason fortune cookies suck?
不是不是 是詹尼丝·春特搞的 No, no, no, that's Jenneth Chunt's idea.
市面上没价值的签语饼预言越泛滥 You have to glut the marketplace with pointless fortunes
有价值的预言就能卖得越贵 to increase the value of real ones.
收钱控制命运 Controlling destiny for a price --
就是预言500强的生财之道 that's the Fortune 500's fortune.
你是在扰乱他们的计划吗? And you're trying to stop them?
我只是想逃出去而已 Just tryin' to get out.
和这个外星女孩一起重获自由 I want to be free with this here alien gal
我俩就能结婚了 so we can get married.
然后就开始谈恋爱 Then we can have relations.
不建议婚前恋爱行为哦 Can't do that before marriage, you know.
我可是天主教徒 I'm a Catholic.
外星人同意了吗? Uh, does the alien want that?
感觉它都不是智慧生命 It's not exactly what I'd call a sentient species.
我能感觉到 A man knows.
所以和我有屁的关系啊? What does this have to do with me?
你在我签语饼里放了这个 You put this in my cookie.
对的 因为我想吸引大家的注意力 Yep. Oh, I've been tryin' to get people's attention.
我本来准备在预言上写 I'd make fortunes saying
“要是不调查这家饼干公司 你就会断一条腿” "You're a-gonna break your leg unless you investigate this cookie company,"
或者“要是不帮我 整个世界就会因为疫情停摆” or, "Please come help me or a virus will shut down the world."
不过我最终还是决定在上面写 Finally I just made a bunch that said,
“你会和你妈妈做爱” "You're gonna have sex with your own momma."
一共多少张啊? How many?
其他抽到这张的都怎样了? It -- What happened to the others?
应该都操了自己的妈吧 I 'spose they fucked their moms.
咱们一起来解开她的枷锁 然后逃出去 Now let's cut her chains and get the hell outta here.
靠 巧他妈给巧开门 巧到家了 Well, shit on a spaghetti.
你好呀 杰瑞·史密斯 Hello, Jerry Smith.
还好你能加入带妈妈上班日 Glad you could join us on Bring Your Mother to Work day.
-妈!-嗨 杰瑞 -Mom! -Hi, Jerry.
你朋友们开豪车把我接过来的哦 Your friends picked me up in a limousine.
他们说你中了什么奖 They said you won something
需要我来给你颁奖 and I should be the one to give it to you.
-一群变态! -你们干这种事很享受吗? -You sick fucks. -Are you guys enjoying this?
我曾以为我不过是个平凡的白女 I used to think I was just a regular white woman.
后来我发现我能控制自己的命运 Then I discovered I could control my destiny.
白女都这么以为 All white women think that.
然而不过是因为这个外星人坠毁在你家后院 The truth is, this alien crashed in your yard
而你吃了它的屎 and you ate its shit.
真是胆大包天!你是谁? How dare you! What's your name?
我看你才是胆大包天?! How dare you?!
早知道就把你公司给炸了 We should've blown up the building.
我管你是谁 你听好了 Doesn't matter. All I was gonna say is,
“你猜怎么着 [插入姓名] 轮到你吃屎了!” "Guess what, insert name? Time for you to eat shit."
但首先呢… But first...
不要啊!我湿透了 Oh, no! I'm so wet!
死开啊! No!
杰瑞 过来给我挡子弹啊 Jerry! Come back and block bullets.
授权你们使用原型签语饼预言 Authorizing the use of prototype fortunes.
操! Fuck!
休想躲! You can't hide!
我的预言纸条写着“只爆头” My fortune said, "Headshots only."
哈里!格雷格!拉肖恩!戴夫C!戴夫M! Harry! Greg! Lashawn! Dave C.! Dave M.!
不要啊! Noooo!
你个老逼 竟敢杀我朋友! You piece of shit, you killed my friends.
我来看看你们的未来 Alright, what does the future hold?
你会控制火
你会控制水
来场宝可梦大乱斗 Maybe I can Pokémon this shit.
用水喷他 不然我俩都得死 Blast him, or we're both gonna die.
我的天!我的天! Oh, God! Oh, God!
原来你控制水是这个意思 You control control water.
比如控制人体内的水 Like, the water inside a guy.
这个能力也太恶心了 That's a gross power.
你会贴住墙
我放你一条生路 因为你的能力屁用都没有 I'm gonna let you live because your fortune sucks.
你杀不死我的!我是不死之身! You can't kill me! I can't be killed!
你不会死
你有无限弹药
相信我 不死之身不是什么好能力 Trust me, that's not as good as it sounds.
好疼啊!烫死我了! Oh, it hurts! It burns!
操!我的天啊!我的肋骨! Fuck! Oh, my God! My ribs!
我能感受到碎成渣的肋骨! I can feel my shattered ribs!
你会交到新朋友
操 什么没用的鬼能力 Shit, these are useless.
战斗预言跑哪去了? Where are the fighting fortunes?
别别别别别! Ah, no-no-no-no-no!
这些都是空白的纸条! Those are blanks!
不写上预言的话 效果难以捉摸的! Without fortunes, the effects are completely unpredictable!
那刚好 Alright.
我是上帝之子! I am the son of God!
我操...
杰瑞! Jerry!
帮帮我 杰瑞! Help me, Jerry!
妈!滚远点!滚远点啊! Mom! Stay away! Just stay away!
快开操啊! Come on and fuck already!
夫人 你觉得我们现在是不是应该 Ma'am, is it possible we're being given a chance
收收手自我反省一下呢? to take a step back and examine our behavior?
你杀不死我的 老头子 You can't kill me, old man.
我也有未实现的预言 I also have an unresolved fortune.
你会成为全世界最成功的女商人
全世界最成功的女商人 "The most successful businesswoman on Earth?"
你无所不能但却依旧选择…上班? You could do anything you wanted and you chose...work?
我每天都在无限接近一个无法实现的目标 Every day I get closer to an unattainable goal.
那就是靠我一个女人打造一个生活方式品牌 A one-woman lifestyle brand, forever!
我刚用暗网账号把高盛集团给黑了 Well, I just used a dark web account to hack Goldman Sachs
偷了几十亿美元把你公司出售的东西全买了 remove trillions of dollars, and purchase everything your company offers.
恭喜 你终于成为全球最成功的女商人了 Congratulations! You're officially the most successful businesswoman on Earth.
预言实现了 Fortune fulfilled.
我现在再把你的账户清空 And now I'm emptying your bank accounts
把钱还给高盛集团 and giving the money back to Goldman Sachs,
因为我属于绝对中立阵营 because I sit dead-center on the alignment chart.
你个狗娘养的 You son of a bitch!
梦想实现的感觉怎么样呀? How does it feel to achieve your dreams?
是不是觉得心里空荡荡的? Empty, right?
就像小李子得奥斯卡的时候 Like when DiCaprio won the Oscar.
他脸上空虚的表情一样 You could see it in his face.
我还有一个梦想- I still have one more dream --
那就是看着你死 瑞克·桑切斯! watching you die, Rick Sanchez!
哈!你知道我的名字! Ha! You knew my name!
她挣脱了!快逃! She's free! Run!
快跑!我的美人! Run, my beauty!
真是裤子里放鸡卵—操蛋了! Well, butterfly on a corncob.
我真不该把野生动物浪漫化 I see that I've romanticized a wild animal
就像玛格丽特·豪伊60年代时给海豚打过飞机一样 the same way Margaret Howe did when she jerked off that dolphin in the 19-and-60s.
我和她一样性骚扰了被囚禁的生物 Both she and I assaulted a captive creature
还指望对方给予反馈 and expected it to be reciprocal.
哎呀 玩鸡巴蛋了 Welp, joopityboot.
死就死吧 Time to die.
跟我一起来 我的女王啊! Follow me, my queen!
坏人都死完了 杰儿 马上就好了 That's all the bad guys down. We almost got this, Jer.
不要啊! No!
哎呀 贴墙男 Oh, sticks-to-walls guy,
看来你的能力还是有用嘛 I-I-I guess we were both wrong.
我去 Oh, God.
啊啊啊啊!瑞克!帮我啊! Aaaah! Rick! Please!
杰瑞 我把外星人抓到了 Jerry, I've got the creature.
我就知道 我就知道 I knew it. I knew it.
我操! God damn it!
杰瑞不会和他妈做爱
我操! Oh, God!
我勒个去 God damn it.
我去 差一点就- Ah. Holy shit, that was close.
就怎么了? Close to what?
差点就让你儿子干出后悔一辈子的事了 Close to everyone but your son getting anything they want forever.
你救了我 You saved me.
放心我不会让你回报我的 I will never stop holding this over you,
毕竟我要的东西你也回报不了 as if that buys me anything.
儿子 咱们去给你买点衣服吧 We should get you some clothes, son.
剧组又省下几秒的制作费 I can just feel the savings.
等下 呃…… Hey, wait, uh...
这个是我在刚才那个地方顺手拿的 Got this at the crazy place we just were.
看着像是有人写了预言纸条强塞进去 It may look like someone stuck a hand-written fortune in there last second
但是应该买来就是这样 but I'm pretty sure that's just the way it came.
反正预言又不是真的 Besides, these don't mean anything.
谢谢啦
杰瑞 你的感谢我心领了 Jerry, while I appreciate the sentiment,
但最后一张预言纸条就这么浪费掉了 this is a huge waste of the last real fortune.
对不起 我- Oh. I'm sorry. I just --
没关系 没关系 It's cool, it's cool.
谢谢你 朋友 Thanks, friend.
朋友?! Friend?!
-你竟敢叫我朋友?-怎么了啊? -Did you just say friend? -What?
-我怎么了嘛? -你个傻逼 -W-W-What did I do? -You fucking idiot!
我才不是你朋友 你为什么觉得我俩是朋友? I'm not your friend! Why did you think I was your friend?
你个傻逼看好了 Look at this you piece of shit.
你会交到新朋友
怎么了嘛? Yeah, yeah, yeah, so?
我本来是不死之身啊! I was immortal!
我战斗的时候是不死之身啊! I was immortal for that whole fight.
我不交朋友的话就能一直维持不死之身的! All I had to do was never make a new friend.
杰瑞 你真的是个废物 Jesus fucking Christ, Jerry.
对不起嘛!我们不是朋友行了吧! I'm sorry! We're not friends!
太迟了 蠢货 Yeah, too late, bonehead.
预言上写的又不是“新的永久朋友” It doesn't say "new permanent friend."
所有友情都有结束的那天 尤其是新朋友 All friendships end, especially new ones.
那这段命运就在你我的掌控之中呢 Well, maybe that's a fate the two of us still control.
对不起 不该打你的 I'm -- I'm sorry I did that.
没关系 It's fine.
不要走开 后面还有
《出租汽车》主题曲Angela - Jame Bob
动物园里有动物 有气球 有小河 有笼子 The zoo. Animals. Balloons. Moats. Cages.
有全家人一起的快乐时光 A fun time for the whole family.
但是你不关心这些 你只是一条斑马 But you don't care about that. You're a zebra.
你是来吃人类喂给你的美食的 You're here for the unparalleled dining experience of hand-fed zebra food. Delicious.
等下 不要吃- He-- Hey, wait. Don't eat --
你吃的是斑马饲料啊 会让你犯恶心的 Th-- That's for the zebras. It's making you sick!
你们干什么啊? What are you doing?
为什么要把喂斑马的任务交给游客啊? Jesus, why have they left all the zebra-feeding to the people who come to the zoo?
没有饲养员喂斑马吗? Is that the only way the zebras can get food?
斑马快饿死了 They're so hungry.
妈的怎么回事啊? What the fuck is happening?
斑马饲料快没有了好吗? We're out of zebra food. Okay?
不要来动物园了 饲料都没了 There's no food left. Don't come to the zoo.
这个广告本来是关于斑马 This was supposed to be a commercial for zebras,
面向斑马的 targeted to zebras.
虽然这个广告本身就有点可疑 但是- The premise itself was questionable, but this --
但是这也太可怕了! this is a nightmare!
不要去动物园 远离动物园 Don't go to the zoo. Stay away from the zoo.
天啊 你们在亭子里干什么啊? Oh, God, what are you doing in the booth?
滚出去 滚出啊 你们都疯- Get out! Get out, you're mad with --
大家放开吃 吃斑马饲料 Ow. Eat it. Eat zebra food.
看来爸前两次吃斑马饲料 Okay, um. I guess I can't blame Dad for being confused
也不能全怪他 about what to do with the zebra food.
我不明白他们为什么要循环播放这个广告 Also, I have no idea why they're running this ad, like, on a loop?
这么血腥 并且一直让你干 There were murders in it, and it was specifically
他们不想你干的事情 telling you to do the thing it didn't want you to do
直到广告最后才有反转 until the very end, when it reversed.
为什么动物园礼品店里也有斑马饲料 Why would they sell the zebra food in the gift shop,
除非- 斑马会来这里购物吗? unless -- I mean, do the zebras shop in here?
难道动物园是动物看人的地方? Are we the ones in the zoo?
所以是这样的反转吗？ Oh, is that the twist?
所以我们- 这里是人类园 懂了 Okay, we're -- it's a human zoo. Got it.
你看懂了吗? Did you get any of that?
纪念制片麦克·孟德尔